Dear City of Riverside, It's on.

I am ranting. Then I am going to do something about this because I have had enough. I may not be a feminist, but no "man" treats me like that. No one gives me lip for expressing a very valid opinion in a very non-violent and adult like manner. You want a War Riverside? Well Guess what? You got one, and I am not giving up on this.

It should be noted that when I get mad I cry. It's not because I'm sad, or even hurt, or even PMS-ing, I just cry. My first reaction to anger is crying. This will be far more enjoyable for you try to imagine me crying while reading this. Also I had no intention of posting a rant today, in fact it was going to be a pleasant and lovely post, but now I am on the war path. It should be noted that pissing me off is probably a very dangerous thing as well.

In our ugly little be-stuccoed neighbourhood a street sweeper comes and sweeps the streets on Tuesdays. They claim it's every week but in reality it's about every two to three weeks. By street sweeper I mean a fat guy in a giant truck who drive along the curb with big brushes twirling on the truck. In California everyone drives. We have to, it's all the urban sprawl. So logic would give way to the fact that everyone has a car. I remember reading a statistic that there are something like 2.5 cars for every person in Los Angeles. It's ridiculous, but a fact of life out here.

So about two years ago they started ticketing people who were parked on the street for being in the street sweeper's way. This has really cheesed me off. I am parked in front of my own home. I should not have to get a ticket for being parked in front of my own house so the stupid suburbanites can feel like their lovely little housing developments are clean and pristine. the truth of the matter is that no one in my neighbour hood is happy. Some people, us included, have to either park on our lawns or move our cars before 7 am (even though the street sweeper never come until around 10 or 11am). It's ridiculous.

So this morning I was running really, really, late. Totally my fault, no one but I am to blame for that. Remembering that it was Tuesday I figured I'd go out to my car to find a ticket on my windshield and I'd be mad and make some sort of fake curse and then drive on my merry way. I walked out side carrying my computer, computer cord, bag and coffee. I was rushing. Coffee was spilling, bag was flying, cord was dropping. It wasn't a good time. But then I see the street sweeper driving towards me followed by the dude who gives the tickets. I began to frantically search for my keys, which were in the pocket of my coat upstairs. So the truck goes around me and the guy stops his stupid city hybrid behind my car. I run over to him and explain:

"Look I'm really sorry, but I am leaving for work right now and my keys are in the house, I'm so sorry, but I have to go run and get them."

To which he replied in a rather haughty voice: "Fine, but you shouldn't park there next time."

Now I could have just smiled and cow-towed to his wannabe authority. I could have just said oh thank you my lord, can I now rub your feet? But I have had enough of this and I decided to say something.

"You know, It's kind of ridiculous that you ticket us for parking on our street. I really don't care if the leaves are off the street. I have every right to park in front of my own house." After all I am a citizen of this horrid little place and it's my constitutional right to voice my opinion. Go me.

Do you know what he said? This: "Well now you're getting a ticket."

Yep. I was not happy. I ran into the house and found my keys ran back down hoping to be able to drive off while he was in the middle of issuing the ticket. unfortunately I didn't beat him and so I grabbed my ticket, slammed my door shut and as he drove away informed him in no uncertain terms that he was "the world's most giant asshole." I think we can all agree that this was an appropriate name.

So now I am going to go to City Hall. I am going to issue a complaint. I am going to inform them that a. he had no right to be an asshole, b. this ticketing is retarded, c. this city sucks and it's mostly because it is full of assholes like the one this morning, and d. I am not paying this ticket. Which I am not. They are going to erase it from the record, they are going to fire his ass, and then we'll see what he says when it is Christmas and he is out of a job.

Try and be a male chauvinist pig, just try. You ticket people's cars. Oooo I'm so scared.

Mess with the bull, get the horns. It's on.

So how was your morning?