January 6, 2009

Eau de Beer

I like the way I smell thank you very much. I use peppermint body wash and lotion, and rosewater perfume. my perfume is not heavy, but very light and pretty. I like these smells and their combination. Or so I thought.

This morning I was getting ready for work and in my bathroom blowing my hair dry. My dad was standing in the hallway upstairs griping about something and my mom was telling him he was nuts from the comfort of her bed. A normal morning in my house. Then I turned off the blow dryer and hear that my mom was on the landing.

"Ashley!" she cried.

"Yeah?" I replied

"Are you smuggling beer in the house?" This actually amused me highly. See back when I turned 21 I went and bought a 6 pack of some pomegranate Smirnoff crap. I'm still trying to get rid of it. So there was a half drunk bottle in my room on my desk sitting there being a jolly half drunk bottle of crappy booze. But this is not important to the story, just a side note.

"You know me, mom." She laughed, cuz she a. wouldn't really care if I did buy beer, and b. thinks I'm funnier than a cheetah on speed.

"come here and smell this." Generally when my mom asks you to smell something it's in a Tupperware and has been in the fridge for a month. I don't smell things.

"I don't smell things."

"Just come here! Your father thinks it smells like stale beer." I laugh, because stale beer would be something my dad smells. So over I go like a good little daughter and I smell...... and I smell.... and I smell.... Wadda ya know, there's nothing that smells like stale beer. So I look at my mom with a smile and politely tell her she is crazy.

"You're crazy. I can't smell anything." My mom scoffs and then sniffs again.

"How can you not smell that! It's so strong now." I walk back to my room shaking my head and begin my search for earrings.

"You're nutso. Go back to sleep."

So I carried on with my morning. Except I forgot to put on makeup, which is slightly hilarious. Then I got in the car with my dad and sister.

"Oh! It's one of you two!" My dad yelled. Now Bri has a reputation for wearing really strong perfume that ends up smelling like poop or dead cow or something so she promptly yells: "It's not me! It's Ashley and her stupid perfume!" I would like to point out that I do not actually use perfume. I use an oil. I dot!!!! it on my wrists, behind my ears, on my ankles and behind my knees. As Marilyn Monroe once said "you should own your scent." and for the love of crap it smells like roses! So why is everyone hating on my roses!!! Well turns out that when you combined Rose Water and Peppermint you end up smelling like stale beer. Not that I'm going to change any of it. I have a very particular reason for wearing these things, and well if I smell like stale beer then I will just have to deal with the cards that smell hands me.

Okay scratch that. The old lady who hangs around here and likes to talk to me just walked over here and asked why it smelt like stale beer. There are moments when my life sucks. Right now is one of them. I need new perfume....

1 comment:

  1. jessica because i can't log into blogger because its meanJanuary 6, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    this is what really happened:

    after a night of partying it up with Nintendo Wii and playing Rock Band, Ashley really wanted to party like a rockstar

    so she grabbed her credit card, her shiny party boots, and went out and hit up every bar in Riverside.

    then by some crazy miracle, woke up WITHOUT a hangover, but dragged her stale-beer smell into the office

    where i get to enjoy it all day.

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