January 6, 2009

Of Blockbuster and Stalkers

Seriously. Why me?

SO I just got back from Blockbuster. There was NO ONE in the store being that this is Riverside, and 10pm and a Tuesday, resulting in lameness. So there I am with Chel and we are tootalin along, pick our movies and go to the check out line. Now I as always was off in my own little world, and handed the guy my license because Bri lost our card so now I have to hand them my license every time and tell them that the account is under my dad's name. Anyhoodles. I put down said license and begin to whistle a jolly tune as I look off into space to daydream *side note here, I have been daydreaming about food all day. no joke. Like someone please Chipotle me! seriously... I want a big fatty cheese quesedilla with steak. and when I took a fifteen minute nap this afternoon to prepare for writing an emotional part of my novel I dreamed I was eating said quesedilla. but on with the story* So to make a semi long story short The movie guy, we'll call him Matt, because that is actually his name, asks me for my card. I'd already handed him my license and told him the account is under my dad's name, so I repeated my self and apologized for the delay in my responsiveness due to the daydream of chipotle.... Not that I actually told him why I delayed in responding, but anyway. This is what happened next:

Ashley: Sorry! I'm off in my own little world here!

Matt: Oh do I sense some sassyness here!

A: NOT sassily AT ALL! oh no, no sassyness here.... *then I realize that I did sound just a bit sassy*

M: y'know I know where you live now * okay so why did this become important to the conversation? like why did he have to creep me out with this? How come he couldn't be a normal guy and just say something about my eyes being the colour of granite or something????*

A: Do you Really!!!! *okay so this actually freaked me out cuz I was thinking that maybe he's like a neighbour and trust me I do weird things to my neighbours which is why none of them talk to us, so I was just a little worried that maybe he knew that I was a bigger weirdo than I had let on and there is this really (reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally...really) hot guy who works there that I am working on and frankly I can't afford people thinking I'm weirder than I already am (sorry for the long thought bubble. my brain works faster than you know)*

Chel: um he has it in front of him on the computer.

A: *holy crap I should be institutionalized...*

M: Yeah it's blahblahblahblah Blah Lane, R-side. *I'd tell you my address but now I'm afraid of stalkers. finish reading to see why*

A: oh yeah I was like all "whoa dude, he must know the street and all that crap".

C: cuz he couldn't just look it up on yahoo maps or something

A: to chel, NOT to Matt the movie guy. Dude you know that Google street view is the most incredible creation ever!

M: DUDE!!! I know! I just discovered that yesterday.....

Okay I don't really feel like typing the rest of the conversation out, but just know that we proceeded to talk about google street viewer for like five minutes after this and now I am pretty sure that he is going to go home type my address into Google street viewer and become my stalker. Why do these things happen to me? And No I was not being sassy Mr. Matt. I don't do sassy. I am incredibly charming I'll give you, but never sassy. And I'm also pretty sure that it's all because of my beer perfume. He probably smelled me and was like "man a woman who smells like stale beer! She's the one for me!" Where is my Rob Pattinson when I need him????? Stupid beer perfume.....

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