January 29, 2009

I'm going crazy, but at least it's fun....

I have a stupid premonition feeling in my stomach again. Lord I really honestly should have some loony doctor examine me. I'm really beginning to believe that I am in fact crazy. Last night I went to bed at about eleven thirty, or rather that's the estimated time I fell asleep. I woke up as I have been doing for the last few weeks while it was still dark. This must mean that I am awake fiteen minutes before my alarm goes off at six am. This is what's been happening, it's a habit now. So there I was laying in bed waiting for the fifteen minutes to pass, and I started thinking. I was thinking about alot of things, dreams I had, dreams I have, the dream I was having, the price of gas, the economy, health food, licorice... usual I'mnotreallyawakebutmybraindoesn'tquiteknowthat thinking. Now I have almost no concept of time. I'm not kiding you. I have to have a clock around me always because I cannot tell how much time has passed. So as I lay in my bed this morning waiting for my alarm to go off I began to wonder why it wasn't going off, surely fifteen minutes had passed. So I sat up and grabbed my alarm clock and hit the light button on the top. 3:35. am. 3:35 am. Let me say that again 3:35 AM! So I was like well that's frocking awesome! I can still sleep for two hours and 25 mins. So I layed in bed and closed my eyes and smiled at the fact that I got to sleep more. except my brain didn't seem to like this idea as much as I did, and I did not fall asleep. I layed there tossing and turning all night long. It was horrible because my brain wouldn't shut up and I ended up having a conversation (out loud I might add) with an imaginary person until my alarm went off at six am. Once my alarm went off I turn it off and then layed back down feeling highly annoyed, and what do ya know I fell asleep. But only for a half an hour. Seriously the most annoying night ever. But mostly because me and the voices in my head did nothing but beat me up all night, which was highly annoying. So then I actually got up and showered and got ready for work and my voice lesson and the whole time I was thinking about how my stomach was what kept me up all night. It was doing all kinds of twists and turns and leaps and bounds. Now usually when I get this funny feeling weird things happen: I see the boy of my dreams and he acts all flirty (this was almost 8 years ago mind), or I fall in love with London (this was six years ago), Or the boy of my dreams who turned out to be not so dreamy shows up in the same movie theatre and makes a very akward move on me (this was also six years ago), or a boy I am pinning for instigates a conversation that leads to much excitment and a date that turns out to be really horrible (only a year ago), or I wake up late and then am running late for school and get into a major life threatening car accident, or a boy is at something that I also happen to be at after he has decided that I am not worth dirt, or any subsidiary thereof, and I finally get over it (more recent than I care to admit). There are other examples but these are the most vibrant in my memory. Thus I have come to the conclusion that it is some sort of precognition to warn me of things that will happen that will be both exciting and self growing. You would think that I would actually use this as a warning and do all I could to avoid these weird things, but I'm just that stupid. The point is that I have this feeling again and it keeps churning my stomach making me watch everyt little thing, which is dumb because it always happens when I stop looking and I would just like for this to be over already so I can go home and go to bed! I am so tired! And my fingers hurt alot. I was playing my guitar last night and ended up break my fragile callouses because it's been so long since I've played. Which is annoying because I really need to be playing and had to relearn a bunch of chords... alas my poor life. Which honestly isn't so poor, I'm just tired and annoyed with my inability to sleep.
On the plus side yesterday turned out to be not so horrible after a jolly good time of fun-making. Well it honestly wasn't all that jolly concidering that it was about this bitch whom I am no longer related to no matter what her marraige license says, who made a very salacious and offensive remark about Bri. Now I'm mostly a lover not a fighter, but if you mess with my siblings, or anyone that I love, you probably won't be alive much longer, so I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted and the great thing about the arizona desert is no one will ever find your mostly plastic body. But as this really pissed off my sis, I tried to diffuse the situation which led to a group of my friends getting in on this and having a wonderful time poking fun at Bri, all in good humor. So dear former relative of mine I hope you enjoyed our little game that you provided us, however, do it again and I'll go directly to the source of the problem. Also I'd watch who you call a whore, because there are many fingers aimed at you.
So there is one more night of American Idol auditions so I shall do the wrap up tomorrow. in the mean time I've gotta run to the post office and mail crap.

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