April 29, 2009

Ashley Lou Barrett is currently annoyed by the following:

Feel free to skip over this post. I'll do a proper post later on. I'm just venting and no one needs to pay any heed to my romantic laments.

Things that are exceedingly annoying at the moment:

  • Tweeney boppers
  • Tweeny boppers who become fans of cuddling
  • Facebook
  • Overtly sappy religious people
  • Dot Theory
  • My crappy song writing skills
  • Jealousy
  • Myself
  • My Office
  • Certain people's voices
  • Bro's
  • The above's respective Ho's
  • Telephones
  • Riverside

Last night, as I was pin curling my hair, I realized it. I realized why I've been so frustrated, why I'm lacking in inspiration, and why everything seems so dissatisfying. Because I don't belong. I never have. I'm a fringer; I don't even belong with the fringe, but they're the closest to where I belong. I'm not sad about this, I've always known it deep down. But what's changed is that I don't want to pretend to fit in anymore. I don't like the parts for me to play here. There is absolutely nothing left for me. If I stay in Riverside, I'll be at this job forever, I'll never be really happy, I'll always feel stifled, and I'll never reach my full potential. So I'm gonna leave. June of next year. That gives me a year to save for it, prepare for it. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, or how I'm gonna live, and that idea makes me so happy. I'm going to keep my eyes on the prize, to push forward for that, and to not be side blinded by all the drama and crap that everyone around me seems to like to live in. It's time to be a grown up. Before the idea of my being a grown up used to scare me. Now, it doesn't. It makes me excited.

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