October 10, 2009

Candid and Honest

Sometimes I wish I could write things on this blog and not worry about who will read it. I'd like to somewhat vent about certain things that I really want to vent, and have someone say they care. I'm not trying to whine or moan, but it would be nice if I could be honest about the way I feel about certain things. It would be nice if I could show how certain things really effect me, and how much they bother me. It would be nice if I could say all this and just be candid, with no passing judgement, and without being called over-sensitive, or being told that I am being defensive. I am only ever defensive when I need to be, so maybe that should be taken as a clue.
I'm tired of being made fun of for things I like about myself. I am weird. I always have been. That isn't going to change. I like weird clothes, and silly things, and am a Grandma. I like to take pictures of myself and post them on the Internet. I like to blog. Blogging is one of the biggest contributing factors to my liking who I am. I like that I have this pastime, I like that I can see the lives of other people who like the same things I do, and I like to look at clothes. I like that blogging has been a way for me to not only grow up, but also to learn to like myself. I like that. Just because it is silly to someone else doesn't mean it's silly to me. There are alot of things that other's do that are silly, that I have never, ever made fun of, because ya'know what? It makes those people happy. Blogging makes me happy. Being ridiculous makes me happy. I'm not going to change that, because I like it. I like being a directions Nazi, I like that I'm a human compass. Get over it, I'm not going to stop talking about it. There are plenty of people I know who talk about their quirks that they like, that I find really annoying, but do I comment? No, because it makes them happy. I'm tired of being the flawed one. We're all flawed. Get over my flaws or I will start point out yours. And no I'm not being defensive. I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine. Doesn't feel too good does it? No I'm not better than you, and I don't think I am, so stop thinking you're better than me. You're not. We all suck. We all have issues. Yours are not more important than mine, and mine are not more important than yours. On that subject, y'know it would be nice if maybe someone asked me about my problems. Maybe I need to talk. Maybe I need to be given an honest to goodness pep talk, full of sincerity and love. Maybe I just need to be asked what's wrong, or y'know have someone show interest in my life. Yeah that would be nice. I'm not saying all the time, but on occasion it would be nice. Maybe I need to cry and get things off my chest, and have a freak out, and maybe I don't want to volunteer all that, maybe I want a shoulder. Maybe I have dreams too. Maybe I want someone to ask about them, or show an interest, or just start a conversation. Maybe I don't always want to be the one to talk. Maybe I just need a reminder that someone out there gives a crap about me, and maybe even two. Maybe I want to sigh and release all the stress and worry I have. Maybe.
I'd like it if the things I don't like about me weren't shoved in my face all the time. I am trying to change, and the change may be slow, but it is happening. I'd like it if the things other's don't like about me weren't thrown in my face all the time. Do I throw the things I don't like about you in your face? No I don't, so please return the favour. I'd like it if maybe, just maybe ya'll could have an ounce of faith in me, that I am not going to screw it all up, because let's be honest my screw-ups haven't been all that horrible, and very few of them were done in the presence of you. I'm not going to crash a car, or get in an accident, or run over a hobo. I'd like it if you minded your own business.
I don't deserve to be in a shitty situation. So I'm not going to be anymore. Now I've said it. I've said all that I want to say, and I'm not going to say anything else about this. If you choose to ignore this then you run the risk of being annoyed with me, and that is your right, and I don't care. I've said my piece and I'm done. I'm not going to put up with being talked down. I've got alot going for me, and I know it, I don't need anyone to put me down, and make me doubt myself. Sure maybe my allowing you to make me feel lesser is my own flaw to overcome, but you are no help.
And that is the honest to goodness truth.


  1. you comment made me laugh ! i sometimes wanna kick the 17 years old me too !!!! ;-) At that age i would have laugh at the way 23 years old me dresses now !!!

    and as for your post, you should really do what makes you happy, after all we have one life, what's the point of ruin it trying to be someone you're not?