The first two destinations on this journey were fraught with problems. Don't get me wrong, they have all be huge learning experiences, and I really honestly wouldn't change any of the things that have happened since I left in May. But problems are problems, stress is stress, and bad days are still bad days even when on a wild and crazy wonderful adventure.
I've been in Scotland for a very short time and oh my stars I am so in love! There is so much that has happened, so many times I have pinched myself wondering if this is all a dream. It's been amazing and has just filled me with joy.
But I miss home. I miss my bed. I miss having a closet. I miss my people.
My days don't generally start terribly early while I am here in Edinburgh. I'm usually out the door by 10 or 11 am. I walk everywhere though and I try and cram as much into one day as possible. By about 3-4pm I am so tired and my feet are killing me, so I usually head back to my hostel to use the (completely terrible, abominable excuse for) wifi and plan the rest of my day and take a bit of a break. While I have some great stories about pubs in the evening, I'm not a big drinker, nor am I always into going out at night after being out all day. So there I am catching up on the goings on of my friends and family back home and suddenly I realize how very alone I am. Hostel living is weirdly lonely. You are surrounded by people 24/7, yet you are entirely alone.
I've come to realize just how much I don't like being alone. Not like the solitude you seek when you've just had too much of people, that everyone needs. But I don't like not being surrounded by people I love, or at the very least being a short drive away from being with those people. It's not because I don't like my own company, I really do! But sometimes on this trip my own company has felt endless. It get's really old.
I've been gone for about 11 weeks, and still have 14 to go. I have definitely reached the point where I am just soooo tired of living out of a suitcase, where I'm really ready to be home. To have a real place to call home. The weeks and months after I get home are going to be full of changes and me making an effort to not go back to old bad habits, and I'm honestly pretty frightened by the enormity of that. But knowing that I can do all that and still hug my family, still hang out with friends, makes it a little less scary.
And I am so incredibly lucky to be here! So beyond belief blessed that I've got to go out and see such amazing things. It's like when you have been on an amazing vacation and you know in your head that as soon as you get home you will wish you were still on holiday, but you are just so ready to be back in the comfort of your own home.
I leave for my next destination on Thursday morning and I am really looking forward to it. It will be my home for a month and will feel just a little bit like a home. And then my next location will be the same. And my final location is only two weeks and then...
Then I'll be home. My home. Home. I like that word.
Three more months.