September 21, 2014

North Sea

Oh hello.

I'm not sure if anyone out there is even still reading this here page, but remember me? It's okay if you don't, I barely remembered this page until just a few days ago. Life has been busy. Sad-ish, joyful, breathtaking, interesting, infuriating, annoying, invigorating, magical, political, unpredictable. Busy. I have so many pictures I wanted to share and I just don't even think it's possible for me to even begin to cover all my adventures. At some point I'll catch up. We'll see.

Fisherman's Sweater- Charity Shop in St Andrews, Jeans-Charity shop in Edinburgh, Shoes- H&M in Norway, Earrings- my Great Grandma's, Pin-Gift from my parents, Tote- Viking Ship Museum

Chelsea moved to Texas in June. I don't know if I mentioned that. It's been rough,both of us being away. We hate it, we love it, we Skype every Monday to discuss life. One day we decided to define our styles. She was Preppy Beach Bum. It's true. I was Preppy Hobo. I think Preppy Hobo Hipster Granny is probably a bit more accurate, but it's cool. I like it. Being away has given me such "clarity" about the kinds of clothes I want to wear. Not just about my clothes, but how I wear my hair and makeup, the baubles I wear, and life too, but really about how I want to present myself to the world. I don't really recognize the girl who left California. I don't feel like her, and in many a way, I don't even look like her. I don't think like she did, I don't see things the way she saw them. She was so sad, so very, very lost. Oh I am by no means perfect these days. But that shell I had built up, that other girl, the one who left California, that got broken down. It got shattered, smashed, blow-torched, and stomped into oblivion, and that left me feeling even more confused. Slowly, slowly, slowly I've let parts of me I'd long abandoned begin to reemerge, and suddenly I feel like myself, like the woman I was meant to be, the one I want to be. Some of my days have been long and filled with frustrations and broken down buses after incredibly late buses, but every night and every morning I am glad to be alive, to be where I am, to make plans for the future. That big scary black curtain labeled "Future" doesn't really scare me anymore. I'm brave and bold and wild and brilliant and loud and obnoxious and kind and friendly and helpful and loving and hard working and curious and anti-establishment. Anything I could possibly want is out there and I will reach for all of it. Well that was a rabbit trail.

I found this sweater totally by accident and it has quickly become a favourite in my minuscule travel wardrobe. I've managed to collect a ton of hats and tote bags as I travel, but my clothing options are getting pretty slim! I have about 7 articles of clothing that I brought with me, and maybe an additional five or six that I have collected. There's about three outfits in that and oh man am I looking forward to a closet again. I'm looking forward to a lot of things, my closet being one of the lesser ones. My plan is to hug my family, hug my car, and then hug my clothes. I miss them all so much.

I had a dream about going back home the other night and in it I had somehow been forced into dating this other volunteer at the last farm I was at who I did not get on with (and not in a potentially cute way) and we were at Disneyland right after I had landed back home and then he was trying to buy me a Disneyland Pass and I kept refusing but was $9 short for the one I wanted (??) and so he bought it and then I found my parents sitting eating ice cream and laughing while I cried about this horrible situation and struggled with the moral dilemma of wanting the Pass but also wanting to be rid of this horrible human. I feel like this was a metaphor for where I am emotionally when it comes to being on the road. I leave my current location (not a farm, an Estate and basically I am maiding all day and it's not as cool as it might sound.) the First and head to two more places for two weeks each. Then I am home. So much and so little time.

I'll be back soon. Promise.

In case you're wondering I am currently in St Andrews and this location is a 10 minutewalk from my bedroom. I'm not mad.

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