Y'know those days...

When you're just feeling low. And you hve no desire to actually get up and go to school. And you're running late so you don't get your coffee and you rush out of the house. When all the outfits you tried on look horrible so you just threw on a shirt you liked with a dress. When you are upset about the exam you have that day, and not being able to practice more for it. And you have stuff to do at work that you know your brain can't handle, bacause you have more homework that should be legal to do. And you just want to curl up in a ball and sleep and have a pity party all for yourself. But you go on, because it's what you do, and you get into your car, and pull out of the drive way, and go the opposite way because you're running late, so you can't get coffee and go the way you usually do. And you get to the head of the line of cars trying to turn and a bunch of people are turning so they can drop their kids off at the school down the street from you. And you can finally go so you pull out and turn and then....

I got in an accident today. My car, Greta, is totaled. I have a cut on the back of my head, and a really nasty seatbelt briuse on my stomach and shoulder, and chest, and a big cut on my left shoulder from when the glass shattered. The cut ruined my shirt. My back bumper flew off and across the street, my car spun around to face the opposite way. My sunlasses flew into the street through the window. I was hit by another newer volvo. I thought I had died for about 15 seconds. I was sure of it. Your life doesn't flash before your eyes. It's all the people you love, that you don't tell enough. I saw some funny people, my grandparents, my parents, my siblings, Sarah, and Charissa, all the kids I am starting to make friends with, and a boy. I had so many epiphanies in 15 seconds it's not even funny. My life could have ended if the other car had hit me two feet closer. I've never seen my mom cry like that. Or my dad. I have the most incredibly amazing family. I'm still shaken, still shocked.

I don't tell those people that I love them enough. They may know it, but I don't say it enough. I don't know what I would do if I lost any of them. And I don't think I've ever been this thankful for them all. My mom, who's first reaction was "are you okay?" as she threw her arms around me while I cried like a moron. My dad who's first reaction was "one question, are you alright?" as he pulled me into a huge hug, while I cried like a moron. My sister Bri, who was waiting at the door, hugged me and asked if I was okay. Chelsea, who was waiting at the door and asked if I was alright. Gracie who told me not to cry, becaue I will get better, then when she saw the car said "Ashee the volvo is broken." and when I told her I broke it she said "it's okay, you be careful next time." My sister Delaney, who stopped doing her homework to get me a cup of coffee and hug me and rub my back. For Fraser, who came in wanting to know all the details then telling me that when Bri first wakes up she sounds like she's "speaking in Myan or something" and making laugh hysterically and not think about it. Eric who gave me a hug, and grossed out at my bruise and asked if I needed some water. Bri pulled all my beloved bumper stickers off the bumper so I could save them. I called my chior director to let him know I wouldn't be in class today and he asked if I was okay, and if my throat was okay. Only a singer would know the importance of that, but it was really wonderful.

I woke up having a pity party with myself. There's alot of things I've been thinking about, silly things, things I've finly realized and am sad over. But today as I sat in my car watching that lady fly towards me everything stopped. I thought I was going to die. Not like OMG I was going to die. Like I Wish I hadn't yelled at Fraser for sneaking into sleep in my room, and I love them all so much, and I sure hope they all know that when I'm gone, going to die. I wasn't scared. I knew I'd be in heaven, and I knew my family could handle it. I knew my friends could handle it. But then I thought about all the dreams I'd had, that I gave up on, or let die, because it is just little old me, and who cares. What about the children I wanted to have someday, or the man I am going to marry. Or the career I want to have. Or all the things I've always wanted to do? What about all that? And whether it was God pushing me back into this world, or a halucination from the cut on my head, But something made me come back to reality. I emideatly figured out how to get out of the car and found someone to let me use their phone, called my parents. The lady who hit me called the cops. I started thinking about all the crap that this is going to bring. Me wih no car, insurance rates sky rocketing, No sisterhood day, No doing this or that, How am I going to get Bri to school in the morning? My head was overflowing with all the horrible things that are to come. Whene I finally got home, which was only about three blocks away, I sat down and realized everything that had happened. I'm alive, by the Grace of God I'm alive. If I hadn't sped up, If I hadn't tried to swerve... I wouldn't be here to tell you this. But I am. And no one else got hurt, my cuts and bruises will heal, I didn't even need stitches. My professors understand. Everything is fine. Yeah I have no car, but I'm fine. and y'know what, there's a 30% chance of rain today!

My point is that, I'm not done here. I still haven't fulfilled my perpous on this planet. I'm not done. Who knows what I can accomplish. I've always had a respect for life, but now.. I don't know what it is, but somethings changed. I guess that near death experiences do this to you. they make you love and apprecate life and all it's blessings. I mean I drove a whole full load of kids down from Big Bear yesterday in that car. what if that had happened then. But it didn't. It happened just to me, and I'm okay. I just discoverd another cut and bruise. But it's just cuts and bruises. My God I am so thankful for this life! I just want to tell everyone That I love them! I want to go do so much, see so many things. I just want to live my life the way God intended, not feeling sorry for myself. I want to love and be loved, and I don't ever want to look back. I want to know that I've done my best, and did all that i could. I want to sing all ver the world, and drag my 10 kids around with me while I do it. I want a husband I can love, trust and respect, and who returns all those. I want my friends to know that they are loved and missed and I only want the best for them ever! But mostly I am just so thankful to be here, writing this, telling you all how thankful I am, Sitting at a computer, breathing, crying shaking, laughing, singing, screaming, worrying. I'm even thankful for living in Riverside, when on September 29th it's 93 degrees. I really don't have any more words I can say, or type. Just that I am so thankful...

It was one of those days

Now if only I could figure you out...