November 19, 2008

Dear Jeniffer Conally,

Y'know, I've always liked you. Granted I think watching The Rocketter ranks up there with being tied down and jabbed with needles until I slowly bleed out. But you had some pretty hot style in that movie. And you've kept it up with your other films and in real life, and I actually like you alot. Yes it is partially because you are married to Paul Bettany, who I vow I will some day kiss just for the hell of it, but it's also because you are very talented, and very beautiful and all around a cool person. So then, why dear Jen did you go and do this:


What three year old did you steal a beach romper from? Did said toddler have a personal seamstress named Maria Von Trapp? Cuz that looks like bits of a couch were torn up and then made into the romper that you then stole. And really those shoes? Really? I mean I thought that killing a zebra and then skinning them for shoes was taboo? Or was it one of thos optical illusions things where the black and white swirl spin around and around trying to make you dizzy? Were you trying to make everyone who saw you dizzy? I mean if that was your point them kudos lady! You did a killer job. But I'm thinking your stylist needs to go to the optometrist here. That or she/he was just getting desperate and so they ate a couch, some lacing off a dominatrix costume, and a zebra and then threw up on you and was all "Voila! Tres chic!" I'm really worried for you. I really would like for you to be on the best dressed list again. So give back the romper, and the zebra and get yourself to a Target. They have some really cute dresses for very cheap.

With love and concern,

Your Fan,



  1. that dress got her plastered all over every fashion magazines "DO"

    i think it's sort of haneous as well though [=

  2. the shoes alone would get her a "thumper" honorable mention.