December 24, 2008

It's a Festivus Miracle!

Wait when did it get to be December 24th? I mean wasn't it just the 15th? I swear that as I get older the days get shorter and shorter and I have no recollection of where they're going. That or I'm a narcoleptic and have just been sleeping them away.

Funny story time:

Friday I was working in the morning and my dad had some clients come in and he wanted me to make coffee. So I, being the good daughter/gopher did so and snuck into his office where the coffee maker is and began to pour the water into the coffee maker. Now the clients who were there are ancient and really old fogy-ish. We love it when they call us to help them get online to do the class that all our clients are required to take, because I swear we've had to explain what the mouse was on their computer. Anyhoodles, I was pouring the water into the coffee maker and Mrs. old lady client turns around and says "Oh my goodness! I thought the wall was leaking! I didn't hear you come in!" Now in a normal world with normal people, and with myself being normal I would have responded thusly: "Oh dear me, Mrs. Old lady client, I didn't intent to frighten or alarm you! I guess I must have snuck in here!" what I actually said was this: "well that's cuz I'm a ninja." A Ninja. For real. what was really bad was the fact that I didn't even think before I said it so I have no idea where it came from. She stared at me like I'd just grown a horn out of my forehead, not that I blame her. So then Friday night me and my family went to LA to go see Wicked, which was FEE-nominal! And no we didn't see any celebrities, however we did find Jewishville and since it was the sabbath they were all getting out of Synagogue and as we saw one running down the street Michael yelled "Dude it's a rabbi!" Which was horribly insensitive so naturally we all laughed. And Fraser kept going on about seeing all the "jewishs". I told him he should grown out his sideburns like all the other little boys cuz then he'd be a chick magnet. Anyways, we went down to the Grove to eat and the wait was too long so we decided to come back after the show. In the mean time we walked around the grove and the farmers market and had a jolly good time. So we saw the show and we all loved it! well sort of. I sat next to Fraser. Normally this is fine because I just bop his head and he shuts up, but Fraser has this little quirk where he can't seem to give up on something that is bothering him. So when Elphaba tells Galinda that her sister is lame (in the biblical sense) and it's because of Elphaba, and how their mother was forced to chew the white milk flowers so as not to make the girl green, and somehow it managed to hurt her sister and kill her mother, Fraser couldn't get over why milk flowers would kill you. The ENTIRE REST OF THE SHOW was spent listening to him say "but Ash How would milk flowers kill someone???" never mind that I've never heard of milk flowers or any subsidiary thereof, but he wanted to know the answer. So I ended up giving him a lecture on how it was just a show, a play, suspension of disbelief, the fourth wall is broken, and IT'S JUST A SHOW!!!!!!!! SO then after the show there was a funny mishap involving seating arrangements in the two cars we brought and ended up with me, Fraser, Eric, Delaney all crammed into the three seats in the back of Michael's car and Bri getting us lost, and me getting us unlost, and me discovering my new favourite Deli called Shmulie's. I haven't had the food, but anything called Shmulie's that serves Glat Kosher food had got to be brilliant. Then we went back to the grove and ate at the cheesecake factory. Now I realize that I live in Riverside, and mostly it sucks. I mean for real, I pretty much hate almost everything about it. But we are by no means hicks here in the inland empire (yes that is what they call us....). I'm sure there are some hick-ish people, but I am not one of them nor do I associate with them. So there we are going up the escalator to the dinning area of the restaurant (only in LA), and Creepy Host Guy and I start to play, "after you, no after you", and he ended up in front of me on said escalator. "So, uh, what's this party for?" he asks me. I smiled and told him that this was actually just my family going out to dinner and no we are not Mormon, or catholic. He chuckled. "Oh so you just going to dinner at midnight?" I smiled. "No we all just went and saw Wicked as a family thing for Christmas, and we didn't have the chance to eat before."
CHG: "Oh so you guys are locals?" (let me interject a WTF here. WTF? For real? We don't say locals in CA. so clearly you are not from here, and thus you are probably a half starving failed actor who is working as a host in the cheesecake factory, so please do not speak to me, k' thanks)
A: "Well we live in Riverside, unfortunately"
CHG laughs.
CHG:"So do they have Cheesecake factories in Riverside?" Because being and hour and 45mins. from LA means that we have nothing of modern life at all.
A: "Well we're still waiting for a pharmacy..." Chuckles.
CHG:" Really?!"
A:"No. Your speaking rights have been revoked, so please shut up now." I thought that last part.
For real? My mom thinks he was just flirting with me, and while I do realize how utterly ab fab I am and how some people have a hard time with coherency in my presence, really? I mean seriously if I had been trying to flirt with someone I wouldn't insult/assume such lameness from the place that they live. Who asks a question like that? Anyways, I thought it was funny, and all in all we had a very fun and lovely time, and I remembered how much I absotively LOVE LA! I have decided that I am going to move to Korea town, because that would be cool and the prices for apartments are pretty ace.
Anyways Sunday we had Sarah, Charissa and Jess over for the first ever Barrett-Hogeland and the token Asian Cookie baking par-tay. It was much fun and I proved to be a four year old when I made a hand shaped cookie (why we have a hand cookie cutter I'll never know) and folded down all but the middle finger then frosted it with the saying "merry Eff-mass" on it and bright red nail polish (it was frosting not real nail polish) . It was mostly amazing. I have pictures somewhere, but who knows where they are.
Yesterday was the Office x-mas par-tay, which was all sorts of lame. I made cookies and they were devoured. We all exchanged gifts too. I got the head attorney around here who is really into Harley Davidson crap. I'm not. In fact I'm about as far from being into Harley Davidson crap as you can be. So I got him a Harley desk calendar and made him a big huge thing of cookies. The only other thing he wrote on his gift slip was that he needed socks and ties. I got a $20 gift card to Target, so that's awesome, except the lady who got me couldn't spell my name. I mean it's not that hard a name to spell. I wanted to spell it like this when I was little: Ashleigh, but my parents just went with generic: Ashley, which is fine, cuz either way it's not me and sucks. But the lady who got me kept spelling it Ashleigh. I didn't write that on my slip, so why would you assume that someone spells their name the most bizarre spelling instead of the generic. Unless I did spell it like that on my slip to be a butt-head, which is entirely possible.....
Okay so I'm out of stories for the moment. Have a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia, or whatever the crap you celebrate and remember:
Saturnalia is the reason for the season. Jesus is the reason for everyday.
BTW I have that copyrighted.
Merry Christmas!

1 comment:

  1. yep....this is totally an Ashley post.....if i read it really fast, it makes it even more Ashleigh-ish. =d

    glad you liked "wicked"....we're seeing the last LA performance in January. just me and 103 of my "closest" friends.

    did the old lady even know what a ninja is?

    oh! and my family is sorta hickish, sorry....

    and MoVal doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory which goes to prove how hicksville it really is....but we do have a pharmacy-lots of them- cuz drugs are a good thing....

    and you and jessica are NEVER allowed to bake sugar cookies together....NEVER!

    Merry Christmas!!!