January 26, 2009

Welcome to The Golden State, the coolness comes free.

I'm alive.

For anyone who was worried about my impending doom, you can breathe easy now. I'm okay, with only minor injuries.

okay well it actually wasn't all that horrible. I mean we went for a surprise party for my grandma's birthday and it was lovely and jolly and she and my great grandma were crying and very excited to see us, so that was lovely. But I spent the rest of the party either being completely ignored *which actually wasn't so bad since I'm mostly psychotic and had several revelations with the people in my head during this time* or getting the third degree about why I wasn't in school anymore from people who really have no business knowing my business, or people who I've met all of six times. I mean they all wanted to know what I was doing, i.e. was I working towards a degree, or getting married, and when i told them no on both accounts, but I am working on making music and getting it out there, thankyouverymuch, they began to ask me why I wasn't in school, or getting myself hitched, and when i told them to mind their own bees wax because a. I don't want to go to school, and I don't want to get married, and last time I checked not only was this a free country, but women also have the right to vote. Of course maybe they don't in arizona, I don't know. I do know that what I choose to do is between me, God, my parents, and the select few whom I deem worthy of knowing, so Mr. Royal Prick of an Uncle take that, put it in your crack pipe and blaze into glory! For a bunch of people who never really went to college they were sure upset that I wasn't anymore. But other than that it was mostly pleasant. and by pleasant I mean that everyone took the "platitude 101" course at the local community college. My cousin Em and I did have a very nice conversation about New York and Frisco and Portland, and that was the highlight of my weekend. so then we went to church with everyone on Sunday, and to lunch afterwards. I got put at the kids table. For real. I would like to point out that the next oldest person to me who was at the "adult table" is nine years older than me. 9. and the next person, is only 12 years my senior. I am 21 years old. So when am I gonna get to sit at the adult table? huh? I mean as far as I can tell I am adlutish right? I mean i don't make mouth noises, or play with my food, and I'm actually the much needed comic relief in a conversation. so then we left and on the way back I managed to get stopped by a stupid arse cop who was hiding between some cacti and rocks and dust, which means that he could have been just about anywhere in arizona, but he thought it would be funny to pull over the token girl with California plates and give her a $279 speeding ticket, even though everyone else on the road was also going 93 when the speed limit is 75. I was 12 miles from the state line, so I guess he figured he should get me while he could. They must need a new monument in celebration of the stupid cardinals going to the stupid superbowl, or a new canal to take water from other places that actually have water, so he probably thought he was doing the state a favour. Then he got all cocky with me as I tried to charm my way out of the ticket, and I wanted to punch him, but didn't since the state prison was only six miles away and well I didn't fancy spending anymore time than necessary in that dust bowl of a land locked crack hole. I was so mad that when we met my parents in Blythe I started spewing about what a douche bag that stupid cop was and ended up crying, because I was so mad! I'm sure he's into child porn and roasting kittens and puppies. he had "that" look to him. The douche bag. I have NEVER been so happy to be back in California. really, do you have any idea how absolutely beautiful it is here? I mean the absolute glory of the concrete over passes, and the loveliness of the dark brown dirt blows my mind! I have never been so thankful for those beautiful words written on those gorgeous green freeway signs: RIVERSIDE 60 WEST. Did you know that there is not a single starbucks that we could find that stayed open past 9:30? Oh and we have so many awesome trees! Indio and Cochella have never been so beautiful to me. If I ever complain about anything here ever again, you have every right to smack me and say "then go back to pheonix." I am so happy to be home. I even went to starbucks last night and left them a very hefty tip for being open. I went at 10:30! It was incredible. I've also decided that I am never eating any processed food ever again. Seriously, how do those people's arteries survive? Not a single health food store the whole time. Oh but here's a funny ditty: we stayed in like a suburb of a suburb of a suburb, called Youngstown. There was a sign by our hotel that said YOUNGSTOWN DENTURE CLINIC. I thought this was a very good lesson in irony, and then found out that Youngstown is where all the old people who don't live in all the other parts of arizona live. and holy crap no one knows how to drive over 40 miles and hour! on the frocking freeway! I mean I know that people in Oregon drive slow, but at least you can say that there is some sort of scenery to look at, which is cause for the slowness, plus it's like, green, and they have, like, trees, and water, and air. Oh don't even get me started on the state of my skin and hair. both are far too hidden from the sun to have fared well. I got half a sunburn driving there and then the other half was burnt on the way home. Which btw, when we got home there was the most beautiful bunch of rain clouds I have ever seen. Yesterday in pheonix it was 88. this morning when I got in the car to go to work, it was 44. I will say though it was kinda of nice to go to a state that when everyone learned you were from California, didn't bring out the torches and pichtforks. Oregonians hate us, and New Yorkers think we're too chill. arizonans wish they were this cool.

Moral of the story/weekend: Ashley will never be going to arizona again if she can help it. Also watch out for cops who hide behind cacti and rocks. Also God bless pacific standard time. Also, thank God for California.

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