Ashley's Guide to Talking on the phone, or reason #7,283 why I hate my job.

Have you ever woken up one morning and thought, "aww poop, this day is just not going to be what I had hoped it would be." ? That was me this morning. I woke up late. I blame my father for this. See he's a lawyer so I have a natural propensity to arguing and generally if given enough time I can win almost any argument, with just my charm and good looks (I'm joking of course(mostly)). So when my alarm went off this morning I argued with myself about whether I should get up or not. It went something like this:

Ashley: Come lazy bones, get up. You need to shower and get dressed and look fabulous. What if today is the day that Rob Pattinson, Larry Mullen Jr., Sean Connery, and Kevin Bacon walk into your office by happenstance. Go look beautiful darling.

Ashley: It's dark out still.

Ashley: So? There is a price to be paid for looking good. Come on get up! You heard me say Kevin Bacon right?

Ashley: I heard you, now shut up, I'm trying to sleep. Besides there's no chance that all those men would walk into the office today. Riverside couldn't handle that much hotness in one place.

Ashley: True, holy Kracow Riverside sucks. Did you see the line of smog yesterday.

Ashley: yeah, it was bad. And think if I get up and go on my merry way, I'll have to breathe that in, and you know how precious our lungs are to us.

Ashley: Oh wow, I never thought of that. We should get a gas mask or something.

Ashley: Good idea, you think about that. I'm gonna go back to sleep.

It was a little Smeagol-ish to be talking to myself as I laid in bed, but like I said, I'm very good at arguing. So then I had to get up and rush getting ready. I didn't get any coffee and haven't had any for two days, which is probably why I've been the slight grouch I've been. I haven't been all that grouchy, just annoyed I guess. I hate telephones. I really hate telephones. I've never liked talking on the phone, not even as a teenager. I had one girlfriend who I once talked for two and a half hours on the phone with except it was her who did most the talking and it was about all her Christmas gifts. I'd much rather, email, IM, write, or actually have a face to face conversation with someone than talk on the phone. I hate the part of my job that involves me answering the phone all day. I especially hate it when I have to talk to stupid people. If you ever have to call an attorney's office for any reason, please adhere to these rules:

1. Think about your question before calling. If you call to ask me if what the letter you got from me says is true, I will probably just hang up on you.

2. I don't fix your computer problems. No exceptions.

3. If you whine, we're done talking. (hold on the phone just rang, and it was a hang up.)

4. Don't hang up on me.

5. If I answer your question, don't argue with me. I can't fix your problem, nor do i really want to. I know that sounds mean and harsh, but if you had learned to be responsible and take care of your own problems you wouldn't be talking with me. Also if I answer your question and you don't like it, get over it.

6. If you swear at me, please be ready to meet Sailor Ashley: Dressed like Sailor Moon, but with a potty mouth. I don't take being spoken to like that, so your options are don't talk to me like that, or don't call me. I'm good with either.

7. If you are from India/Pakistan/or any other foreign phone service, learn to speak English. ( please don't be offended by this, but the conversations would be so much quicker if I didn't have to keep asking, "Wait, what?" every two seconds.)

8. YES! I don't give a flying fig if the call is recorded for quality or training purposes. Actually I think that next time I get asked this question I'm going to say no, and just see what happens. Just to mess with them.

9. I am not a lawyer. I don't understand the law, or like it. In fact thinking about it makes me a little suicidal ( I'm soooo joking people!). If you have a legal question, I will write it down and have the attorney call you back. No I can't answer it, no I won't answer it. No I don't care if you're on your only break from work to ask me this. He's not available to talk to you. No, he's really not. Okay he's in the bathroom taking a crap, that's why he can't talk to you. would you like me to walk the phone to the bathroom and stick it under the door, so he can explain legal procedures while on the john? Yeah I didn't think so.

10. If I have laughed when you thank me for doing something, like spend 30 mins on the phone explaining things that are a. common sense, and b. we've already talked about, and I say "Not a problem" or "no problem!", it was a problem.

But I promise I'm not all doom and gloom, I promise. I have a really yummy cup of coffee in front of me in a mug my dad bought for me out of the kindness of his heart at Disneyland.

The Cheshire Cat is my all time favourite Disney Character. I think it has to do with his absurdity. And yes I was on facebook.

Plus I've got tomorrow to look forward to. It's my day off! Usually I take Tuesdays off, but my sister and I traded so she could study for her final which is today, so good luck Bri! It's apparently pretty bad-ass as far as finals go. She also has a final on Saturday. SATURDAY. Isn't there a law against that or something? But anyways. So I get to take off tomorrow. The plans involve these: Gardening, biking, sewing, cleaning, laundry, music making, and a very large field I discovered while driving aimlessly the other night. Lots of awesome photo ops. And then of course next week is Charissa and Bri's spring break, which will involve some beaching, some scrap booking, some adventures of the ridiculous variety, and maybe, just maybe Disneyland? I don't know.

I have the hankering to go somewhere. Like away, far-ish away. On a vacation. And have an adventure, which involves becoming wrapped up with international jewel hiesters, and a rather dapper man named Philip. Philippe works too. It's time to break out my summer movie list. Somehow most of this list is Hayley Mills films. Moon Spinners, Summer Magic, Parent Trap, That Darn Cat. Yup all with Hayley Mills and all at the top of my summer movie list. I'm so excited to watch these movies, it's pathetic, but I think it will soothe my need for a far off place.

I'm not sure why, but all the adds on my email just changed to being in Japanese/Chinese characters. The adds are usually in reference to the email's subject. The email was my best friend telling me about how at school everyone thinks she had 8 siblings and two sets of parents, because we consider each other family (this is what nearly 17 years of best friendship does to you), So I don't know what the crap all that is about, but I find it very humorous. however I haven't had much coffee in the last two days, so I should probably not trust my idea of what's funny and what's not. The web address given for the ad is tripleasure.com. I'm trying to decide if it's Tri Pleasure, or Trip Leasure. I'm kinda hoping it's the later.

It's Chipotle Wednesday. Eat well and live long.