February 17, 2013


I think I started and re-started this post about fifteen times. There is a lot I could say. Life has been crazy, some bad things have happened, some good things have happened. Some of us are in season of discontent, others are in seasons of new beginnings, while still others are in seasons of being lost. There was one really bad week. I went to bed at 8pm and woke up at 8am feeling exhausted. An incredibly dumb, completely blown out of proportion, utterly ridiculous situation arose and I started to really wonder am I actually the problem here? It's been tough.

Some of us couldn't actually leap the surprisingly deep creek.

I've wanted a break, just to clear my head. I'm not depressed, not even really upset, just... lost. As we were driving through the desert last weekend I kept thinking of the phrase: Do what you can, with what you have where you are. Somehow those words made more sense to me in that moment than ever before. I'd been nervous about that weekend due to the above mentioned ridiculous situation, but suddenly I felt peaceful. It was all going to be alright. 

I sometimes think that people are searching for some sort of alchemical formula to life: if only we could figure out the recipe, we could really make our life golden. So we keep aiming higher and higher and try to find ourselves, and figure out our paths. There is nothing wrong with that in theory. Aim for the stars, follow your dreams, but I think we forget to stop and be thankful for the now. To stand on a cliff overlooking the skyline or to sit with friends, or whatever you are currently doing, and recognize that this moment is worth it. That you are happy, and that even if you are a little lost, this isn't for naught. This moment is worth noting. It may not propel you into the future, it may not make or break a career, but your heart if full, and you are taking advantage of where you are, or what you have. It's okay to have small moments. And sometimes they are more meaningful than the big ones.

This doesn't mean that the big moments aren't big. They are, they're important. We should seek those big moments, we should reach as far as we can. But in our search for the big things, it's often the small things that give us clarity, that allow us to pause and breathe and say "okay, lets figure this thing out." There will be moments when we are stuck. Some things are beyond our control and we can't actually do anything about them in this moment. But this moment will pass and eventually we will be able to do something. It's our choice whether to recognize the blessing- no matter how small- that come our way. And I think that when we stop looking for the small things, we get consumed with a greed for the big things. 

As all these things have slowly sunk in to my thoughts I've been able to look at things from afar and see just how many wonderful things happen from day-to-day: Long drives and chats with my mom, Grace kisses me before bed every. single. night. without fail and most nights she does it twice, Eric and I got pizza and made fun of people, Sunday morning omelette bars with my nearest and dearest, hikes in basically my back yard to search for 1500 year old Petroglyphs... These might not be moments that define my life, but they remind me that even being a little lost has it's high points.

So go on hikes, see what you can see within your own back yard, fall in creeks, scratch your legs, get dirty, sing at the top of your lungs, dance in the car, giggle and reminisce  play games you hate with people you love, play games you love with people who hate them, toast to today, drink a too sweet latte take the back roads, drive to a different city just to find a pattern, eat something new, and continue to dream all those big, wild, crazy dreams. Do what you can, with what you have where you are. Just remember that it's the small things that you have to do everyday. And the small things are worth it. 

If you have found yourself here because you are googling the Mocking Bird Canyon Petroglyphs, let me tell you, they are super cool. They aren't terribly easy to find, you have to cross a creek, and you might have to  climb a few rocks before you find them, there's a slit in the gate that your hair will probably get caught on. You'll probably have to use your google maps and compass app to find the Puberty Stone (you might also want to get any jokes out of the way. But bringing teenage boys is recommended. Threaten to do a tribal ceremony for them.)

If you go, take pictures, giggle, and explore. It's okay if you haven't washed your hair in days, and you don't remember the last time you put on makeup. Throw on some yoga pants, and sneakers. If your sneakers have sparkly laces, that makes them even better. If you bring a seven year old who is precocious and oddly deep, you will need to explain what graffiti is. She will probably become fascinated with it, especially when you tell her that in 1500 years when people discover this area, they'll be just as excited about spray painted middle fingers as we are about Shaman Drug-Trip Paintings.

If you're brother picks up a dead tree and carries the thing for about a mile, it's okay, he's almost 16 and eventually he will probably grow out of picking up trees and carrying them over his head. If you take me, I'll probably tell you a lot about Aliens and how I wish the Ancient Aliens guy would come here with me and I would get really star struck which is super totally lame. There isn't a lot of information on these super cool ancient sites. But you should go, explore, wonder, and stand at the top of a rock cluster, blue sky spanning before you, the sound of happiness from the ones you love around you, and realize that this moment, this is a very loud small moment. So listen.

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