October 22, 2013

Audrey-ish ( and other ramblings)


Earrings- local boutique eons ago, Shirt- J. Crew via thrift store, Skirt-me made- Shoes- Ferragamos via thrift store.

I felt like this outfit is very Audrey Hepburn influenced. In fact it's a recreation of this photo I saw on pinterest ages ago To be honest I never really was fixated with Audrey Hepburn. Don't get me wrong, I adore her! My sister has seen every film she ever appeared in, and has always loved Audrey, so by proxy I know a great deal of her at times tragic life, and definitely appreciate her status as film and fashion icon. I love Audrey Hepburn, she just wasn't someone I really idolized. There are other actresses from her era, or prior to her era that I appreciate more, for instance the other Hepburn, Katherine.


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When I was a teenager I wrote a rags to riches story about a rather reluctant debutante who's benefactor has a habit of telling her "you remind me of a Hepburn."  The girl is constantly battling which one he means. Does he see her as a bold, passionate force to be reckoned with, or as the embodiment of femininity and elegance. In the end she realizes that maybe she is both, and maybe there is nothing wrong with that, and maybe that is what sets her apart in a world full of archetypes and neatly labelled boxes.



Looking back over this tale, it is definitely a fantasized version of my own coming of age (the emotions being the only thing the two held in common). Someone once described me as bold in presentation but delicate in spirit. I like to think my spirit is a little more tough than the word "delicate" denotes, but I appreciate the meaning. I'm one of those people who feels everything.  It's incredibly annoying. I've often said I am sponge like. I have this ability, and often a need, to try and soak up everyone else's emotions and problems, to clean up their messes. I like to fix things and find the solutions for other people. I like that about me. But it's also difficult at times. After I've soaked up all the emotion around me, I've become bloated and heavy, but there's no one to help me wring myself out. This can often result in me feeling like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. But again, it's not something I dislike all the time. At the same time I often come across happy-go-lucky, or carefree. Flighty, un-reliable, impulsive, been accused of being all those things. And I am. I am bold and delicate all at once. I don't fit into those neatly labelled boxes.




I remember during my first week at Oregon State someone told me I came off as innocent and shy and I laughed. I am neither, but sometimes I want to sit back and observe. A lot of times I am an introverted-extrovert. I love being out with people, I love talking, I love going everywhere. But I also love being locked away in my room completely on my own. I enjoy solitude very much. I love quiet stillness just as much as I love loud chaos.



I could wax on I am sure, but none of this was what I had planned on discussing in this post (I was going to rant about how much I dislike all black ensembles and that black clothes make my soul hurt). I think the above is a sort of confession about this blog and why things have been so quiet on it lately. Life has actually been seriously tough this year. I keep trying to be positive about the past few months, but the truth is, I am ready for this year to be behind me. It's been a year of more downs than ups and frankly, my spongy-ness is at capacity. All these downs and all the moments of being a sponge have made me step back and really examine some things. Friendships, dreams, needs, wants, living quarters... I've been doing some serious thinking and part of that has made me realize I'm ready to start using this space as my happy place again. I feel like a lot of the blogging world has become rather apathetic and is going through some growing pains. I love this space, I love each of you who take time out of your day to read my ramblings, and I love the people I've been able to meet through this medium. Tough, crappy year aside, I'm ready to put my energy into something that makes me happy. I hope you join along. 


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