Yammering Muse: NYE

Blouse, dress- Thrifted

Socks-Target

Shoes- Thrifted gift from my sister

Angus the Yellow Scotty Dog- found in antique shop for free!

Mac the Black Scotty Dog- Christmas gift from my mom and dad

Bag- Christmas gift from my mom and dad

I was going to continue on with my Christmas wrap up, but as it is now New Years I figured I'd give you one last outfit for the year. This is from Monday. The jumper is a recent thrift find that hit my ankles in it's former life. I'm sure it was not intended to hit there, but being ill proportioned as I am it was incredibly unflattering one me. So ti got a new hem and had some absolutely awful lace removed from under the bust and voila! I love it very much, and may have worn it three different days this week. May meaning "totally did" here.

Everyone else seems to be doing a year end wrap up, so I guess I'll join in. I never really do a traditional one. 2008's was about being that little girl who was starting to grow up. 2009 was all about leaving behind the little girl and finding the big girl inside. I remember being so excited last year because I just *knew* 2010 was going to be one humdinger of a year. I was right, but not in the way I expected. I didn't move in June as I'd planned and while I was really upset about that, I know it was for the better. If I'd moved I never would have returned to the world or theatre. And if I'd never returned to the world of theatre I never would have been cast to sing Phantom of the Opera this summer. And, more than likely I would not have come to a big realization. See sometimes I'm a little stupid. Okay fine, a lot of times I'm a lot stupid. And I'm not very brave. So when I get mad at something and decide to hate it, I run from it, even if it's one of the things that drives my life force. So back in 2008 I left school. I was mad at it, mad at the music dept, mad at the world of classical music. And in 2009 I refused to listen to the part of me that needed that other part of me I was suffocating. And then in 2010 I realized that by trying to quiet that part of me, I wasn't being my best. I was ignoring something that was a big deal. It sounds silly, but I need Opera in my life. It's a huge part of who I am. It's the ever so slightly overly dramatic part of me, it's the sweep-off-my-feet-able part of me, it's the part of me that soars as high as the notes and knows what it's like to live in the clouds. And ignoring that part of me wasn't helping anyone. So I got cast, and I started to sing and I remembered just how much I loved it. Because there are few things I do better than singing notes that only dogs should hit (btw for those wondering I'm generally labeled as a Lyric Soprano because I have a very Italian voice, however I actually am a Coloratura). And I LOVE it. I crave it. I love writing my own music. I love playing the guitar. I love singing the kind of folky-pop-emo (I'm half joking) music that I write. But I'm at my finest moment when I am singing those soaring high notes. It's who I am. I always used to think when I was younger that I didn't actually like Opera, it was just something I did. But then I left it and realized that I did love it, and I needed it.

So along came June and July and I finally sent off an email to my voice coach saying, alright, you were right. I'm sure he knew that at some point I would reach this conclusion, and realize my mistake (the man seems to orchestrate my every thought, which is sometimes annoying because it would just be easier if he'd just tell me the conclusion I'd be coming to in a few months time). I kept it a secret from most people until recently, and is one of the reasons I've been a bit quieter here. I nearly told y'all about fifty million times, but I just kept deleting the posts because it wasn't a for sure thing, and I was still trying to figure things out and while not everything is figured out still, I'm much closer. Basically I am going back to school and I'm bloody excited. I'm also totally terrified, but still excited! I'm applying to Oregon State for either Summer or Fall. I'm hoping to be able to move up there before. In the meantime I'll be going back to ye olde Riverside Community College. I (hopefully, I'm #28 on the waitlist of 30.. grr) start on Monday! Eek! I really am excited. Right now I plan to major in Vocal Performance, but I'm also considering a more technical degree (sound mixing/midi/the really nerdy, geeky aspect of music that I am fascinated by but try to suppress from being made known to the world).

This year has been a very good one for me. We had our ups and downs, and the downs came pretty hard, but I think it was all things I needed to learn/do before I could really get into that final phase of growing up. I learned to embrace parts of me that I sometimes wish weren't a part of me. I learned to tone down the "ugly" in my life :-). I learned that I am just not meant to be an un-banged girl. I learned to knit! I learned to be a better seamstress, and that things worth doing are worth doing right the first time, and worth taking your time. I learned a new strumming pattern! I learned that somethings, and some people, wear out their welcome, and that sometimes when you're changing, not everything around changes at the same rate. I learned to say no, and to stop letting people walk all over me. I learned to swing dance. I learned so very much this year and I am so thankful for it!! And I am ever so thankful that you have all joined me on this journey! Each comment and email has meant so much to me (even if I am terrible about getting back to them!) and honestly I have come to consider each of you a friend! So thank you for reading, for commenting, and for putting up with my sometimes ridiculously introspective writings! You all mean the world to me!!