April 30, 2009
April 29, 2009
All the following are from here
Feel free to skip over this post. I'll do a proper post later on. I'm just venting and no one needs to pay any heed to my romantic laments.
Things that are exceedingly annoying at the moment:
- Tweeney boppers
- Tweeny boppers who become fans of cuddling
- Overtly sappy religious people
- Dot Theory
- My crappy song writing skills
- My Office
- Certain people's voices
- The above's respective Ho's
Last night, as I was pin curling my hair, I realized it. I realized why I've been so frustrated, why I'm lacking in inspiration, and why everything seems so dissatisfying. Because I don't belong. I never have. I'm a fringer; I don't even belong with the fringe, but they're the closest to where I belong. I'm not sad about this, I've always known it deep down. But what's changed is that I don't want to pretend to fit in anymore. I don't like the parts for me to play here. There is absolutely nothing left for me. If I stay in Riverside, I'll be at this job forever, I'll never be really happy, I'll always feel stifled, and I'll never reach my full potential. So I'm gonna leave. June of next year. That gives me a year to save for it, prepare for it. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, or how I'm gonna live, and that idea makes me so happy. I'm going to keep my eyes on the prize, to push forward for that, and to not be side blinded by all the drama and crap that everyone around me seems to like to live in. It's time to be a grown up. Before the idea of my being a grown up used to scare me. Now, it doesn't. It makes me excited.
April 27, 2009
I don't know why I love this picture so much, but there is something about it that makes me so happy.
I love Marlo Thomas. I love that outfit more.
April 25, 2009
We went to Dragon House for lunch for "Administrative Assistants Day" Which was Tuesday by the by.
The Asian in with the Asians
April 24, 2009
So last night, after seemingly weeks of toiling and frustration, I finally wrote a song. It came together rather quickly once I got started. I haven't put it to music yet, but I'm toying with some strange chords in my head. I realized yesterday that I'm having such a hard time with writing music because nothing around here inspires me. Well nothing obviously inspires me. I've found that I'm having to search harder and harder for subject matter and ideas. It's hard when each day is the same as the day before and lacks any originality. So I'm trying to find things in the monotony that becomes poignant or just stick out to me. The song is called Flatters Benjamin which was a word verification I had yesterday. I got three song ideas from word verifications now. But alas, it's very hard to be mediocre when you want very dearly to be brilliant. I'm sure every musician feels this way, the sinking doubt that anyone will ever want to hear your crap, much less buy it, the dread at the things you work so hard on being critiqued, the hopeless admiration of other musicians who are nothing but pure genius. I wonder how those geniuses (I know that's not the proper form. I took Latin in high school and college) deal with all this, or do they really think they are all that and a bag of chips? I hope not, because I'd like to think they weren't arrogant like that. I'd like to think that they are really tortured souls, who write to hide and heal the pain, who think they are nothing and will never live up to their own silly ideas of what their music should be. I think to a degree all artists are like this. We all strive to be genius and tortured and some of us just aren't genius. Maybe I should stop trying to write pain filled music. I mean I'm not a generally depressed person. Blah. I don't know. Maybe it'll come to me after some more coffee. Have a wonderful weekend. Expect some changes next week and a shop update Sunday. I may even post a vlog...
April 23, 2009
I've been feeling weird all week. Like somethings coming, I just can't figure it out. I can't even really describe how I feel. It's like I'm full, and calm, and happy, but scared. It's like there's a small hole in my stomach that keeps trying to churn and freak out, but everything else is telling it to stop, because it's all fine, and the hole knows it's all fine, but it wants to churn nonetheless. That's the best description I can muster. But I think it's going to be big, and good, and free-ing. The thing about it is that even though I have this crazy feeling, I'm not looking for anything to happen. It's like I know it'll happen in it's own good time and meanwhile I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Usually when I'm expecting something I look around every corner, waiting anxiously and end up missing it, cuz I'm specifically looking for it. I don't know. Maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet, maybe I'm a lunatic. All I know is that I feel weird.
How are you feeling today?
April 22, 2009
April 21, 2009
- Spring clean
- Finish seventy million sewing projects
- Work on creepy song
- Work on escapism song
- Find chords to Don't rock me tonight by Fountain of Wayne (please don't ask, I'm being forced to do this)
- Learn above
- Finish uploading music
- Send out all mis-addressed letters
- Buy Thesaurus
- Finish Flappers and Philosophers
- Figure out how to become a genius
- Re-dye dress
- Find new Shampoo
- Book Frisco flight and hotel
- Update shop
- Watch all the Isto videos on youtube
Excuse my absence. It may not seem like alot, but it's all very time consuming. And by the by, it's hot. This is retarded.
April 19, 2009
So I've decided that I'm never buying jewelry again, I'm just going to make it. I went to Michael's yesterday and left with the makings for two necklaces. I made them both last night, and I love them. I also have discovered two new obsessions. One is making clothing out of tablecloths and sheets. The other (which I'm sure my mom in none too pleased with) is dying clothing. Seriously. I love it. So much fun. I bought a dress at goodwill yesterday and I hated the colour. It was white and this strange pink, but I liked the cut and concept behind it. So I bought some yellow dye. It is now a very strange orange-y yellow. I kinda like it.
I have been searching every thrift store I go to for a pair of pants like these. Someday I will find them and it will be a happy day.
Please? Just take me away. This picture inspired a song. I love it.