Dreams...

I have been having that strangest series of dreams for over a week now. I mean stranger than normal. No Baby dreams, no theme, just plain old weird dreams. They've ranged from me almost killing myself in reality beause I wan't breathing because in my dream I was being strangled, to me commiting suicide with my boyfriend who was the son of a rival bankruptcy attorney because our families hated each other (and no I have not been watching any versions of Romeo and Juliet lately), to being killed by a giant black widow and screaming myself awake, to the latest instalment in which I have to save the world.

This one featured me following white arrows painted on the ground to get to the house I needed to get to in order to save the world, finding the family of the house who oddly enough are people that I really know and haven't seen/talked to since 2004, discovering that something was up with their youngest son, going to a brick building and hiding out there because everyone recognized me by my nose (I'm not making any of this up folks), having dreams while in the brick building of people and the youngest son calling me for help, finding the family and mine and several other importat people all trapped in paintings (in the portrait room of their house which we discovered were portals to alternate realities), saving all of them leaving the son for last and then discovering that we were destined for each other (which so weird because even though he looked nothing like the real person, I knew it was him. Which is weird because I've known this kid since we were like six or seven, broke several friendships over something having to do with this person, and he pushed me off of some rocks we were climbing when we were eight and knocked the wind out of me, and I haven't forgiven him for that yet (I have a scar from where the rock cut me)), marrying this guy (while still in his alternate reality, which we then discovered was not an alternate reality but was, in fact, reality), then some other stuff happened that I shan't talk about, then we discovered that we were destined for each other because it was up to us both to save the world (all becuase of our eye colour and no we do not have the same eye colour) and the key to saving the world was his former financee (who was really in love with his brother) who happened to be a girl I also knew when I was a kid who I hated, who I had to rescue out of her portrait which was her alternate reality in which she continuously packed a bag and played with dolls, and had to break the news that we were married (which none of our family even knew because once they had been rescued from their portraits they disapeared(and and in order for me to rescue them I had to go in and force them to face their most deep secret, or something horrible traumatic that they wouldn't face. Once they had done this they were flng back into reality (the portrait room) and instructed to stay there, but they didn't. I don't know if this was because they were kidnapped or what)).

This is when I woke up. I'm actually kind of curious to see where this thing was heading. I still have no idea what the problem with the world was or why we had to save it. I think I might turn this into my next novel. It was so weird. The whole dream was like a fairytale/scifi/fantasy/80's futuristic movie. It was weird.

I have no idea why I'm having strange dreams, or how to stop them. Most of them have ended with my death, which according to the fortune telling dream book I read last night at Anthro means that soon something I'm worried about will be over and all will be fine. I wonder what the crap this last one's supposed to mean? Where's Freud when I actually need him (I'm not a fan of Freud or English Professors who obsess over him). Does anyone have any suggestions for stopping dreams? I know strange question, but I'm not sleeping well because of them and it's kinda annoying. I've stopped drinking coffee before bed thinking that maybe it's just my brain being over active, I've changed the music I listen to, I've switched the side I sleep on. I've even tried to force myself to think of other things, but no such luck.

(only because I've always wondered what I look like when I cross my eyes)

Here's the thing.

Women don't actually have to celebrate the birth of children we have no connection to. That's just stupid. Why spend our time and efforts (or money) on someone you've said all of six words to in the year you have worked together, and who's name you discovered last week? Who came up with this rule, and why have we put up with it for so long? Does no one else see the stupidity in it? Just because one person got knocked up and had a kid and we had a party doesn't mean that everytime someone get's knocked up we need to have a party. Especially if the said person whom the party is for IS NOT EVEN GOING TO BE HERE! And how did I get designated the dessert person? I didn't sign up for this. Just because of some accident of birth I was formed with two x cromezones, dose not obligate me to shop for someone I don't know just cuz they had a kid. It's not like she even really had it. She didn't do anything to have it. It was just "cut out" of her. So why are we making a big tado about it? Thus conscider this my resignation from the "Woman CLub". I'm done. This is stupid. I don't care what other women think of me because of this, I really don't. I'm not hard, or unfriendly, I'm just logical and ten bucks says they all think the same thing, but are too scared to say it. Screw women's rights, let's bring about Women's Not-Being-Stupid-ness. Seriously. I have already announced this to our office and they all agreed but gave me some half ass line about, "well we did it for all the other's and we'd do it for you." Thing is, I'm not having a kid, I'm not planning on having a kid and even if I was, I would not expect people who I don't really know, and don't really like, to throw me a party. My mom and friends and grandmothers, and all the people who, y'know, know me can do that. And I'm not bringing a cake!

In other news I am going shopping for San Francisco today. We have a little over a month before we go! I'm so excited. I already bought two dresses for the trip, and want to make another one for sure if I get the chance. One of these dresses I'm wearing today (and haven't had a chance to take a pic of), which I bought at my favourite antique store here. Best thing about it? I don't have to wear a bra with it! I bought alot of really cool stuff this week, that I'll show later. Right now I'm off to have Carona infused beef, and look at a cake that has over 1300 carbs in it. there is 64 carbs in a serving, which is 1 20th of the cake. I'm not eating the cake. The cake that I bought....

I just realized I forgot deoderant today... gah!

Garlic Fingers (and other things you don't care about.

Good glory I am so tired! This morning I was asleep in bed (as opposed to being asleep in the shower?), and my alarm went off at six as usual. And as usual I turned it off and went back to bed knowing I'd wake up in an hour and then finally drag myself into the shower. I was up later than I should have been cutting out a pattern. I have a whole stack of projects I am determined to start/finish. But anyways. I woke up again at seven thirty and debated whether it was really worth my while to get up, and in doing so fell back asleep. At eight o'clock my mom walked into my room. Knowing we'd all had a pretty stressful day yesterday she called me very gently, to which I shot up in bed and started speaking nonsense and which point she laugh and asked if I was awake and I said something like, "yeah, sure, where are the chickens?" I didn't really say that but it was something to that effect. She just laughed and told me to get up and wake Bri up. So I went back to sleep. At eight twenty my dad walked to my door and just stood there. So then I actually woke up and told him "I'm coming. Give me two minutes." And I was ready in about two minutes. And that's my exciting story for the day.

Here is the "Pink Stuff" incident. Mostly it's just me laughing obnoxiously and Bri making funny faces, with Jess giggling in the corner. My laugh (which is actually a giggle) is so horribly obnoxious.







And here is the video from last Thursday. Don't laugh at the fact that my headband is slowly slipping off my head the whole time. Also I'm really bad at talking to people when I'm on stage so just ignore those parts. I played one other song before these, but my mom couldn't figure out how to use the camera.


On a very random note, I made this garlic rub for some steak we had on Monday. My hands still smell like Garlic, and I can't figure out why. I've washed them at least a billion times since then, but they still smell. I love garlic, but this is getting annoying.

Hummmmm

I am far too tired to function. Stressfulish day. Strange day. Good day. Boring day. Just plain weird. Currently I am sitting in Coffee Depot waiting for my dad to call after he finishes dealing with much drama.


I had a very busy weekend, and a very busy day, and what looks like its going to be a very busy week. I feel exahusted (which might be partly due to the fact that I've been sleeping horribly). Today we finally got rid of the guy who's on crack (which was actually heroine, methdone, crack, and something else). It took my dad useing some language I've never heard him use before, and telling the head attorney here that it's either us or the crack guy. It's a really sad situation and while I want to be mad and angry and even laugh at the guy, I can't because he is just so sad, and pathetic I can't help put pity him.

It wasn't all bad words and pity today though. It started with me going to The San Bernardino County Recorder's office (which I cannot say oddly enough. I always slur my words when trying to say it), which is behind a Souplantation. Then Bri, Jess and I all headed to the Bankruptcy Court because we had four bk's to file. It takes 20-30 mins to file each, plus they have some new stupid system where you basically have to wait for an hour for each. We got to the court at about 10:30. They left at 12:30 and I got back to the office at one thirty. Ridiculous. Well then, because it sounded good, I made everyone go to Souplantation for lunch. It ended up being just Bri, Jess, and I and there was and "Pink Stuff" incident, and fun, and then the pink stuff turned out to be not so fun. I made a video, but haven't had a chance to upload it.

Anyways. This is kinda a sucky excuse for a post, but oh well. I'm itching to get my hands on a sewing machine and make some new stuff. So hopefully by the end of the week I'll have something to show. Also I'll be playing again this Thursday (I'm 99% sure at least), so come out if you're in the area.

Emotion and other unknowns

I left my camera at home so sorry for no pictures. There's some videos too that I'll post later.

I was very quiet last night. After the "ordeal" that is. I didn't say much. When someone asked me how I thought I did, I'd just say "I don't know yet." I didn't. I spent a very long time last night processing it. I wrote the longest email of my life to my voice coach, who's response was a mere four sentences (which is the longest email I've ever got from him! haha!). I didn't over analyse, I just processed it all. I felt weird and strange and uncomfortable. It was really very odd and I've never felt like that after a performance. I mean I have some horror stories about performing, from falling off the stage, to completely forgetting my words, to wardrobe malfunctions, to vomit. And I always felt a little bad afterwards and then it was done, there was another show, and I got over it. But this wasn't anything like that. I felt confused and sick and like I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again. I'm an artistic person. My emotions tend to rule me more than my brain, and sometimes there is just too much emotion for my brain to handle, so I have to slowly, issue by issue figure out what the heck is going on, what I'm feeling. So last night I got home, put on my pajamas, sat on my bed and thought. And thought and thought and thought. Then I began to write the email. Just as I thought I'd finished my email, I got it. I figured it out, and I didn't like it. See I'm a bit of a conundrum. Someone very wise once told me that we're all conundrums, some people are just more of a conundrum than others, and I happen to be one of those people. I'm a paradoxical person, romantic, and cynical, sweet, and vulgar, loving and hate filled. It's always an adventure to be me. The point is that I realized that I've always wanted the one thing that scares me the most. And I'm a very scared person. I pretend that I'm brave, and tough and can do it all, but really I'm pretty convinced I'm going to fail at it all, so why even try? Last night I tried and I didn't fail. I didn't excel either, but I didn't fail. I managed to hold off on throwing up until after I was done, no one stoned me, there wasn't a boo in the room, and considering how much I thought I was shaking compared to how much I was actually shaking, it was a success. Sure there's room for lots of improvement, but I did it. I know that if I did it today, I'd do better, and if I did it tomorrow I'd do even better, and so on. So I've run out of excuses. I wanted to fail, because then I could say see this was a bad idea, I'm not ready. But I couldn't say that. I was ready, and I didn't muck up as badly as I anticipated. Basically I have no reason to be lazy anymore. I have no reason to doubt myself, I have no reason to not do it again. I broke my little bubble of comfort , and while last night I was trying desperately to restore my bubble, it's broken and I can't fix it. At first I wanted to fix it more than anything. But then... Well then I didn't. My fingers were longer, my legs taller, my mouth was older, my eyes were larger. I'm not eight, I'm not fifteen. And really I was making a big deal over what I always knew I could do.

I'm sorry if this seems a little confusing. I left out alot that you just wouldn't understand. Don't say you're proud of me, don't say you always knew I could do it, because I don't honestly think many people really did. I've never given them a reason to. I did it and it's done. I'm not going to dwell on it, because there's nothing to dwell on. It happened, I learned it's lesson, and now I'm ready for the next lesson. I'm always going to struggle to push myself to leave "the city of my comfort" and I'm going to want to fall back into that trap. But I'm not going to. I know that I can be happy doing anything, so let's see how happy I am when I actually do what I really want to. I'm not a child. I'm not someone you can make fun of and then sweetly congratulate me in a very pedantic manner. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm me Ashley, the grown woman. I can joke about my loserness, you cannot, because it's not true. I don't need anymore mothers than I already have. If I bump into someone, oh well I'll apologize. Don't tell me not to over analyze. I'm not scared of myself anymore, you don't need to pet my ego. Man up and be honest. Don't treat me like a child. I'm not one. I haven't been one for a few years now. I don't want to be one. Sure I love squishing sand between my toes and acting ridiculous with my girlfriends, but I love being an adult more. I want to see what I can do. I want to see the world. I want to see where I end up. I want exactly what scares me, and I want to be scared. I want to know I can beat that dumb fear. And if I happen to laugh obnoxiously while doing so, don't chastise me. I laugh obnoxiously and always have and always will. I'm not going to change that. I'm not going to apologize for that. If I giggle and talk loudly, accept it. That's who I am and I'm not ashamed of it. If you are you can either choose to not associate with me or deal with it. I'm not going to apologize for the things that make me who I am. I'm finding I kinda like myself.

So yeah I learned a lot last night. I'll leave you with this, my favourite quote, which has never been more true for me. Have a really wonderful weekend everyone.

The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.-Alan Alda

To keep my mind off tonight

I found this here today and thought it was really cool. Space has always fascinated me and I find that sometimes looking at the vastness of the universe is very good for putting your crappy morning into perspective. It also reminds me of one of my favourite books of all time, A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeline L'Engle. If you've not read it, I highly recommend it.

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

The Decemberists

Because most of you won't make it to the end, here's a reminder that I am playing Tomorrow (thursday May 21st) at the Downtow Coffee Depot in Riverside. Show starts at 7pm. I'm actually kinda excited about it.

I. Am. So. Tired.

But it was totally worth it!

All I'm saying is if you get a chnace to go see The Decemberists live, DO IT! They are AMAZING! Last night was so utterly brilliant!

The show started at 8 at the Palladium in Los Angeles. Their opening act was a group called Other Lives. I found them a month or something ago and they've been on my list of groups to find their album ever since. They were awesome! I bought their album afterwards, which I've listened to six times already and love. The Palladium is a standing room only concert hall, and we got there at about 7:30 and got a really good spot. My whole family sans Bri went, which in hind sight was not brilliant, but whatever, I'm trying not to be bitter (I'll get to that).

This is Other Lives. They have a myspace if you're interested. Sorry for the horrid quality, the sound system was too much for my poor camera's mic.




There were some very rude people there last night, one of which I told to his face that he was a douche bag, but again, I'm getting over it. The important thing was the music. Other Lives got done playing around nine'o'clock, and then they re-set the stage for The Decemberists, while the crowd bought more beer. The Decemberists started playing at about 9:15. Their newest Album, The Hazards of Love is basically an orchestrated folk-rock opera. The first half of the concert was the band playing the album straight through. The WHOLE album. A. Maze. Ing. They're almost better live! I did nothing but scream all night. For this album they brought in Becky Stark from the band Lavender Diamond and Shara Worden from My Brightest Diamond (both of which I highly reccomend). Shara Worden and I are going to become best friends someday. Holy cow girlfriend can sing! She was so fun to watch. We ended up having to leave before the second set, which was sad, but Grace was tired and begging to go home and Fraser couldn't see over the crowd, so we went to Denny's at about ten thirtyish and ate. When we were leaving Chel and I were walking from our booth in the front to go pay and who was sitting in the very front booth? The lead singer from Other Lives, whom I had decided about seventeen seconds into their show I was going to marry. So I stopped and asked him if he was the lead singer and he smiled and I gushed and made his night. Then Chelsea ran out to the car to grab the album of their's I just bought and had him sign it, which was all sorts of lame, but fun nonetheless. Then Eric came running up and saw the guy and ran back to my parents who came up and started gushing and my dad kept shaking the guy's hand, which was hilarious. Then the other people who had been at the concert realized who the guy was, and started telling them how great they were and it was all because I said hi. So basically I made that guy's night. It really was so much ridiculous fun, even if we had to leave early, plus I've been promised that someday (like over my birthday), I will be allowed to see the full show. I also bought a shirt, which was super cool. So yay!!! Here's some photos and videos, again I'm sorry for the quality.

This lady stood in front of me the whole show and I kept trying to get around her without much success.

Chel and I waiting

The opening of The Decemberists


The Hazzards of Love

Becky Stark and Collin Meloy

Collin Meloy

Shera Worden

The rest of my videos were not so great, so here's some from youtube from someone right up front.








This is Shara Worden singing the role of The Queen. She is so amazing!

Alright that's enough.

This week on "Conversations with three year olds"...

Hey all you in California:


Do we really have enough rain to justify a rainy day fund?

(earlier this morning, Ashley is in the shower and suddenly the bathroom door opens to reveal a little redheaded twerp)

Grace: Uh yo, can I poop?

Ashley: Do you need my permission?

Grace: nope.

Ashley: then why are you asking me?

Grace: (rolls eyes and huffs) Just because!

Ashley: Yes you can poop. but don't flush the toilet.

(Grace plops on the toilet and nods)

Grace: so cool day huh?

Ashley: yeah sure. Are you excited?

Grace: for what?

Ashley: for tonight, remember what we're doing?

Grace: uh duh, we're seeing the 'cemberists.

Ashley: I know aren't you excited?

Grace: I already promised mom I be quiet

Ashley: oh good.

Grace: and I'll (sigh) stinkin' sit still. (folds arms and huffs again)

Ashley: oh that's good for you. are you going to sing along?

Grace: uh how can I sing if I'm being quiet?

Ashley: I think mom just meant don't talk.

Grace: OHHHH! So if I sing it's okay?

Ashley: Yup.

Grace: huh! well I'm not such a greatest singer ghoul. only when I'm in my other dress.

Ashley: really? what dress?

Grace: you know the OTHER dress. the one I'm a good singer ghoul in. Mom and me are gonna have a talk about that stinkin' dress.

Ashley: Is that so? Well you go do that.

(grace jumps off toilet and flushes it after Ashley specifically told her not to, making Ashley's shower think it's a vat of boiling water. Ashley screams)

Oh did I mention that I'm seeing THE DECEMBERISTS TONIGHT!!!!!!

Cuz i am.

Also I am playing a "gig" (it's an open mic night) on Thursday. If you're in the area and want to hear me sing and play(which I'm hoping you don't because I'm being forced to do this and am not too thrilled with the idea of my music being listened to by people who aren't biologically conditioned to love me, or have learned to be amused by me since I seem to be a constant in their life (Steve)), I'm playing at the Downtown Coffee Depot Across from John W. North Park, and Mi Tortilla, near the Spaghetti Factory on Vine Street here in Riverside. Starts at 7pm (I won't know what time I'm playing until I get there). *swallows a big lump of nervousness* While I'm not excited about it, I also am excited about it because I've got a legion of people who suddenly think I can do this and slowly (very slowly, but surely) I am beginning to realize that yeah I probably can do this, since it's what I want to do. Actually I'm getting more and more excited about it. It's still nerve wrecking, but I'm kinda excited to see how people respond. So yeah I may or may not post pictures depending on how camera happy my family gets. My dad's making a big deal about it, he even offered to give me the day off so I could "deal with my nerves". Cuz, y'know, I've never been on a stage before or performed in front of people ever. Oh wait, I spent my entire teen years doing that... Of course I didn't take the day off, but only because he asked me while digging around in my room because he thought he saw a shirt of his get drug in here by the dog or something... at 6am. And there was my rag curled head peeping out from under my blankets asking him what the effing hell he was doing in my bedroom at 6am. I really don't care if he comes in my room. I do care that he comes in my room at 6am. of course his shirt wasn't in here and then he left the door open and guess who decided it would be fun to come and poop in my room? Oh yeah, the dog. Dear lord all my posts have been about poop. Back to the point. If you want to come see me if not, don't.

Monday Inspiration #11

Happy National Day to everyone in Norway.

Interesting weekend. I pierced my sister's best friends ears on Saturday, which was pretty funny. Her ear lobes were the thickest ear lobes I've ever seen, and I've pierced many an ear in my time.
So the other day, during a very funny situation, my dad thanked me for being such a great liar. It's nice to know that my talents can be used for good.
Last night there was an earthquake. The report I found said it was a only 1.8 and was 2miles north of Rancho (San Andreas?), but I heard that it was actually a 5.o and came out of LA (my dad just told me it was a 4.7 out of LA). Bri and Michael and I were all home alone and they both jumped up like nutters and ran towards a door post. I sat and continued to check my facebook and told them to calm down. It lasted all of fifteen seconds, but it gave the house a good shake. We were watching Japanese Television, which is hilarious by the by, then we switched it to some thing about paranormal investigators from Penn State. It was hilarious.

Tomorrow may be the greatest day of my life. I'll let you know on Wednesday, but be prepared.

Yesterday I watched the Secret of Roan Inish, had a Guinness, and Bri brought me home an Irish Curry Bowl from Killarney's. It was a bit of a theme. I've said many a time how much I love and miss Ireland and watching Roan Inish reminded me of this all over again. It's so beautiful! There is something wonderfully romantic about living on an island with only the seals as companions, about fishing villages, and Faire Isle sweaters. As I watched the movie I kept commenting to myself about how cute her clothing was, and how funky all the patterns were and got really inspired to try more pattern mixing in my wardrobe. But I also like how pretty much everything is done in neutrals with small bits of color. So for your viewing pleasure here is some inspiring pics from The movie The Secret of Roan Inish (and if you've never seen it, you didn't have a proper childhood, thus you must go rent it and then spend your day and night dreaming of sealkies and seaweed soup).

I love those buttons.

Best I could find of the whole outfit, which is my favourite.

My day started with poop...

Penelope and I have come to an understanding: She poops in my room again, she cleans it with her tongue. There are certain things I don't do, among them are blood, stickiness, snot, and spit, but the top of the list is poop. Especially not dog poop.

Stats:

Cardigan: Target

Shirt: Walgreens (I know)

Skirt: Thrifted and altered by me

Bag: Thrifted

Shoes: Target

this is the other skirt I bought with the red one. I forgot to take a before picture, but it used to hit me at my ankles, which is a horrible length on me. I cut it to the right length then pinned it and right before I went to stitch it I thought "hmm lace." So I went to my mom's stash of lace and hemmed and hawed over whether or not I liked it. Then I said, "who'm I kidding, I love lace." So I stitched them up. I really, really love it. It's super light weight and thin and perfect for the 110 degrees that haunt the outdoors at this moment. There was one small mistake in the sewing in the form of I somehow had about a half an inch more skirt than lace suddenly and accidentally folded over part of the skirt. It's easily fixable, I'm just lazy....

Best part of this skirt? Pockets! I love pockets.

The bag I also picked up this week at Goodwill. It's the most perfect bag in the world and I forgot to take a picture of it.

I loved this cardigan from Target. the polka dots are actually baby blue.

Close up of skirt...

and the lace. Glory I love eyelet lace.

you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two

Marta, my bike (yes I named my bike Marta and my old car Greta. Deal)
Excuse the horrible photos.

I don't actually think there is a better way to spend a Friday in which you get to leave early from work.

Funny phone messages in Spanish (I got six of the 18billion words), Killarney's for lunch, and Chipotle for dinner, figuring out how to make annoying/creepy people not walk into your office.... Pretty swell day.

On a side note, I was reading Karlascloset and she had a video where some dude was asking her about what she was excited to wear this summer, and she said she'd have to see once summer hits Southern California. Honey, let me tell you, summer hit. About two weeks ago. Don't believe me? We've got severe weather alerts for record high temps this weekend. 110 degrees. Yeah. Karla I love you, but darling Summer's here. And will be until November when we'll get Storm Watch season.

Ashley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Stats:

Top: Thrifted

Collar: Thrifted

Skirt: Thrifted

Bag: Thrifted

Shades: Thrifted

Shoes: Payless

I bought both the top and skirt yesterday. I got the skirt from Goodwill. Remember how yesterday I said I wanted to find a red skirt to wear with that sailor outfit? Well I randomly stopped in and right away found this red skirt. It's a little too long, but I'll fix that later. I also found another skirt and two purses. I also have to shorten that skirt. The top is from the Riverside Hospice thrift store. I always forget about this place, but every time I go in I find something pretty cool. I also got the lace collar there a few weeks ago. Yesterday I found this top and while at first, I thought it was ugly, it grew on me and I went back and grabbed it and tried it on and it fit! I think the colour is what attracted me the most. I don't wear a lot of pale blue, but I kind like the effect. I especially like the contrast between it's softness and the harshness of the skirt. I also got a really pretty fifties dress that is about a size or so too small for me. I am determined to get into it before San Fran.

So funny story. Remember when I went to Arizona and got two $300 speeding tickets? Well apparently there was a court date for one of them in Arizona in March, that I didn't go to, and now there's a warrant for my arrest in Arizona. As if I needed another reason to not go back. Awesome.
In other news my computer is still broken. I called Toshiba and made the woman in Pakistan cry. Not really, but I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not happy, and they ARE going to fix this problem whether they like it or not. So they are sending me a box to send the thing to them so that the official Toshiba place can do their job and fix my stupid computer. I am writing on it right now, and it's being fairly co-operative, but after a half an hour it will shut down. I figure I've got about ten more minutes left before it crashes again. This is so frustrating. I've been so mad about it all day that I haven't been that nice of a person, which has actually come in handy. We had an annoying client who is driving everyone nuts and being very demanding when we've told her exactly what we still need from them, and she got a little snippy with me so I got snippy back. Then we got a bill for $404 for some DVD of business listings that I never ordered, and have been meaning to send back. So I called them and told them that I did not order this, I do not want it, and I am not going to pay this and am sending it back today. A customer service representative was going to call me back. I keep telling them I do not want this. So now I'm going to be mean. Oddly enough being mean is exhausting. That's why I don't do it. The CS rep then called and literally had a yelling match with me. I got so mad about all this (cuz now it looks like I screwed up) that I posted a venting status on Facebook and was annoyed when someone, who happens to be my best friend, commented on it and I said I was pregnant (it was funny at the time) and then Jessica read it and we both started laughing and I started crying and then we went and took a walk to get lunch. So now despite my crappy day, I feel a little better. The lady called back with a tape that they had recorded of me saying I authorized them to send us this bill and info, however they didn't record the part where she told me they were just sending me the info and we could cancel if we didn't want it. So yeah.....
Today the guy I always joke about being a crack addict was arrested while in court doing an appearance. He was arrested for being under the influence of drugs. His wife called right before I left trying to find him and the guy who leases the building had to tell her. She's pregnant with their third or fourth child. I had to sit here and listen to Andy tell the guy's wife and try to calm her down. Apparently they had an intervention for him on Sunday and she was freaking out because she didn't think he'd taken anymore drugs since then. As I was listening to this I suddenly began to realize some things. I hate this job because of how sad it is. Every day I hear stories of broken relationships and homes. Of children who don't have a home but drift between their parent's homes. Of adults who act like children fighting over their children. Of people so deep in debt who are barely making it. of bad or desperate people doing bad and desperate things. All day. I've heard that Lawyers have a high depression rate and I think I understand why now. These are the people who are responsible for fixing other people's depressing lives, and sometimes they can't do it. Sometimes there is only so much help you can give someone. I think that's probably why my dad practices Bankruptcy law more than Family. Because at least he's giving people some tangible hope. I know I'm often cynical about all this, because I'm a happy-go-lucky person, but sometimes, especially on bad days, I can't help but feel so sorry for all these people. It's not pity, it's almost empathy. Right now my happy bubble is kinda burst and instead of feeling sad, and depressed, I kinda feel numb. I've always been the type who tries to fix everyone else's problems. I can't fix these. I can't make it all happy again with a joke because it's no joking matter. There's no romance to a life filled with addictions and sorrow. There's no silver lining. Consciously I know that it's all going to be okay and most of these people have created their own problems and in reality aren't willing to fix them themselves
I don't mean to be a downer it was just a bit of a realization, and it's a bit sad...

But the sun will shine tomorrow, and the birds will sing, and we'll laugh. In the mean time here's a better picture of the swimsuit as promised. And yes I realize that I look like a six year old. Ignore my fatty thighs and white-ness.

FYI

If tomorrow you hear about some crazy beyotch in Southern California who went postal at Toshiba and demanded a new computer and held the CEO's at gunpoint...

it was me.

I swear I'm going to go crazy.... This is frocking ridiculous

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale

I'm warning you, you're in for a very long post.

Today I wore this:

Stats:

Hat: Thrifted from AAArdvarks in Pasadena (I told you I'd figure out a way to wear it to work)

Shirt: Old Navy

Skirt: old pair of jeans I "fixed"

Bag: Target (two years ago when they had this purse I told my dad I would never be happy again if I didn't receive it for Christmas. I must have been pretty convincing, since I got it.)

Shoes: Pinupgirlclothing.com

Jess thought it would be funny to jump in my picture.

I've been seeing alot of Sailor inspired outfits on the blogosphere and am quite in love. I've always loved nautical thingies, so when I saw this authentic sailor cap at AAArdvarks on Sunday I grabbed it right away. It was only five bucks! So then I went through my wardrobe trying desperately to find something that would look nautical enough. This was the end result. I like the overall effect, but I hate this skirt. On my current list of items to find is a red skirt like this one from SallyJane Vintage's Etsy Shop. I love it, and think that the counter directional stripes would look kind cool together. As much as I love this hat I felt like a complete weirdo wearing it to work. I don't think I'd have felt so weird if I had wore this out and about doing whatever, but for some strange reason I always feel weird wearing anything other than a knit cap to work. I have a serious love of hats (I even have a hat wall that is currently under construction (i.e. I'm trying to afford buying hooks from Anthropologie)), but I always feel stupid in them. So lately I've been throwing off my cowardice and telling myself I HAVE to wear them. So far this is only the second time I've made it out of the house with a non knit hat on. Clearly I'm doing really well with this. But I do have plans for another one tomorrow. My almost four-year-old sister Grace loves this hat. She keeps putting it on and walking around my bedroom singing "I'm a little Sailor Ghoul!" at the top of her lungs. She doesn't actually intend to say ghoul, but she cannot pronounce the word girl for the life of her. It's actually quite charming. This morning as I was running late (note to self: dreaming about clothing is not conducive to getting up on time), and as I poured myself a cup of coffee and swallowed two strips of bacon Grace came up from the kitchen table and said "hey!" and I turned and asked her what, and she gave me the once over, then grinned and said "yup you look okay. You steeled my sailor hat." Normally I'd have argued with her that it was MY hat, but like I said I was running late so I just laughed and ran out the door. So what do you think? Is it a bust? Should I even attempt to wear hats outside the confines of my bedroom? Oh goody. The office douche bag just walked by and coughed "Gilligan" under his breath. I think I'm probably going to punch him today. Never mind I just insulted him and it felt good. He was shaking a thing of jelly beans obnoxiously trying to get my attention and my dad asked me what I was doing, and I told him that it wasn't me, just "Larocca trying to be as musical as he'll ever be." To which Larocca replied, "I was just shaking the jelly beans. trying to get a red one. geeze." Seriously dude, you are going to get beat up one of these days.

Other things I should mention about this outfit: Best red lipstick ever. It's L'orel's "Target Red" for Target. I love it. Also, and I promise not to get TMI-ish with this, but let me tell you about this bra I'm wearing. It's from the '60's. It is a bullet bra. I want to be buried in this bra. I love it. I hate modern bras and always have, now that I've tried vintage ones, I'll never go back. Not only does it place my boobs where they're supposed to be, but it gives so much support, and is so dang comfortable. TopShop has some reproduction ones that I'm thinking of getting because let me tell you, I've never been this excited over a bra before. I tried on all my dresses and shirts and kept jumping up and down with glee and squealing because of how well things suddenly fit me. If you have not tried a vintage bra, you really should. They are the bee's knees. This one I got from AAArdvarks also on Sunday. It was 8$, so it's even cheaper than modern bras. And last but not least, all week I've been doing these pseudo-victory rolls in my hair. Mostly because it takes me 45 mins to pin curl my hair vs. the two and a half seconds this takes me to do. When I was in the bathroom this morning doing it Grace walked in (she spent the whole morning following me around) and said she really liked my hair because it looked shiny. She kept asking me if I'd put "make it shiny stuff" in my hair, like Non does (she calls Bri, Non). I told her no, and she hurumphed. "well Non puts shiny stuff in her hair. But you look cute too." I think I need to stop taking fashion advice from a three year old. By the by, here's the bra.

Love it.

For Mother's Day we went down to Pasadena to do some shopping and exploring. My mom has always wanted to and we never had, so we went down and shopped. AAArdvarks was the only thrift store amid the designer and pseudo designer shops, and actually yielded some good finds. After we finished shopping, we went to cheesecake factory for dinner. Cheesecake is disgusting. Cheesecake Factory is amazing. Here's our adventure (in somewhat of a backwards order)

I was messing around with the settings on the camera and thought this ended up looking kinda cool.

Nice dad. And yes Chelsea does often attack Delaney.

I made Chel try on and buy this dress. Cutest thing ever.


Grace is obsessed with looking like a model in all her pictures so I've been trying to get candids. Chelsea on the other hand thinks all photos of her need to be ridiculous.

Better pictures to come, but this is the swimsuit I got at AArdvarks. This picture is really horrible.

This is what I wore
Stats:
Hat: rummage sale a million years ago
Dress: Target
Bag: Target
Shoes: Buffalo Exchange (Portland, Or.)

Grace, "being like a doggy"

Delaney has an Alice Cullen complex

The dress Chelsea did not buy. It was super cute, but way too big for her.

These are the results of the "Super Secret Mother's Day Project." All seven of us had our pictures taken and painted our own frames and gave them to my mom to hang somewhere. She's always saying that she doesn't have any pictures of us hanging so we solved her problem. We each painted our own frames, which are very telling of our personalities. The only pictures I didn't take are my own and the one of Bri and Michael. Theirs is from the shoot they did for their engagement photos.

Ashley, Age 21 (the orange dots were supposed to be silver, but for some reason the glaze urned them orange)

Michael and Bri, ages 22, and 19

Chelsea, Age 16


Delaney, Age 14

Eric, Age 12 (his was painted to match my parent's bedding and his photo was printed incorrectly, so I have to take them in this week and re-print them)

Fraser, Age 9 (Fraser's was printed wrong as well)

Grace, Age 3 (the blobs of paint are actually objects that Grace asked Bri to draw. They include a road in the sky, a rain cloud that isn't raining, a duck, and Grace with wings)

Sorry for how long this post is. I was going to post everything from Mother's Day yesterday but all the photos were on my work computer and I was off yesterday.

In really quick exciting news I just got a call from the place that was fixing my computer and IT'S DONE! I'm going to pick it up today! Yay!

Oh and guess where I will be the week of July 6th-10th?

.....

.....

.....

SAN FRANSISCO!

Be jealous. I cannot wait!